One of the (many) things I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about is society. And how it loves to hand out arbitrary rules in all aspects of life. It seems like one of the biggest set of rules is the way that we should live our lives in order to “achieve” happiness. This essentially looks like the following:
-go to college
-get a job (most likely working 9-5)
-find a significant other
-get married (probably between the ages of 25 and 30)
-buy a house
-have 2 children, a boy and a girl
-retire
It is preferable that these things are achieved in this order, but there is a little more flexibility today.
With this set of “rules”, we grow up thinking “I’ll be happy when, [fill in the blank]”. We’re always looking for the next thing that will bring us happiness and contentment in our live. Instead of choosing happiness in where we are, we constantly wait for happiness to enter our lives. This striving to achieve and meet certain milestones results in a never ending quest. And eventually, we wake up one day and wonder how we got where we are and became who we are.
But happiness is not a destination or a goal; it is a byproduct of life and of living your life.
Everyone’s view of happiness looks very different; that’s what makes us so fascinating. If everyone wanted the same things in life, the world would be boring. There is no “one size fits all” prescription to achieve happiness.
I also don’t believe that being in happiness is a constant state. It ebbs and flows, like everything in life. There are light and happy days (cue the Happy Days theme song), heavy and dark days, mediocre days. It’s important to realize that the absence of happiness one day, does not make your life terrible and worthless.
So, how do we find happiness? Since this is so individual, it will be different for each of us.
Ultimately, I think it comes back to realizing what YOU really want in life, instead of ascribing to society’s set of “rules”. It’s through trial and error, trying activities that you are curious about, finding and embracing your true nature. In being present with your people and building connections that feel true to who you are.
If you aren’t living a life that you feel content and happy in, finding little bits of happiness wherever you are can be a great way toward finding big happiness… Little things like appreciating the beauty of flowers, being in awe of nature, listening to your child’s laughter, etc. And it’s okay if things that once brought happiness changes.
As for me, I did all of those things. I went to college, got a job, got married, bought a house (or 3), had 2 kids – a girl and a boy. I was as happy as I could be at that time, but in hindsight, true happiness wasn’t there. I loved the life I had created and the people in it, but a lot was missing within myself and I didn’t realize for a long time. It took everything in my life crumbling to the ground for me to wake up and realize that I wasn’t fully happy.
I know I have a long way to go to be where I want to be, but I try to find pure happiness in where I am currently. For me, it’s being grateful for the job I DO have, connecting with the people I love, dancing in my kitchen, belting out songs to “The Little Mermaid”, hiking, noticing the flowers, watching my kids playing in the rain, etc. These little moments help instill big feelings of contentment in my life.
Where do you find happiness and contentment in your life right now? If there is little of it, is there something little you can do to start changing that?