It seems fitting that we talk about vulnerability early on as this new endeavor will require much of it.
So, what is vulnerability? Here is what Merriam-Webster has to say:
Vulnerable (adjective)
- Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
- Open to attack or damage
Given this definition, it makes sense why so many of us struggle with being vulnerable. Sharing bits and pieces of yourself with another can leave you open to being hurt or heartbroken by them. That’s terrifying!
This was my viewpoint for much of my life (you know, only about 32 of 34 years). I spent my childhood in a perpetual state of hurt, so I learned to shut the emotional part of myself completely off. I thought (not consciously, of course): “if I’m not vulnerable, if I change who I am, never let someone see/know me, I can never be hurt”. It was a way to protect myself and it served me well as a kid.
Unfortunately, those defense mechanisms you learn as a kid often end up holding you back as an adult. I ended up wounded anyway.
Maybe never being vulnerable means you likely won’t be hurt by others, but it also means that you aren’t really living. You never get the chance to feel truly alive; to love someone and be loved by them in return; to be connected, understood, seen, cared for; to feel joy; to see something beautiful and appreciate it fully. It also creates distance in relationships with your friends, family, children.
And isn’t the point of life… to be truly alive, to love and be loved, to feel connected, seen, heard? To belong? How can we expect to reap the benefits of these if we never allow ourselves to be vulnerable with other humans?
If you’re like me, you might need to take it a step back and become vulnerable with yourself first. At some point, I realized that I couldn’t (or didn’t want) to see myself for who I really was. I didn’t know who I truly was, or who I wanted to be. I hid myself from MYSELF. Trust me, I know it sounds crazy to admit that, but it’s the truth.
Once I opened up to myself, and discovered I was safe, I slowly opened up to others. I discovered that when I allowed myself to tell the stories that were locked deep inside, those stories and aspects slowly lost their power/hold. It felt like a weight that I was carrying around for so long, on my own, lifted a bit each time I shared that part of me.
Most likely, being vulnerable is not something that will be second nature after a few days, weeks, or months, especially if it’s something you’ve struggled with it for a lifetime. It takes constant work and awareness to continue to be vulnerable with yourself and with others. But I promise you, it’s worth it. (I very recently discovered that even though I can share my stories, I have trouble sharing my feelings/emotions regarding certain aspects of my life with the people I care about).
Time to try it on: work on being vulnerable with yourself, or someone you know you can trust, this week. Write in a journal, voice record yourself on your phone, talk to yourself as you go for a walk or drive in the car, talk to or write a letter to the person you trust. See how it feels. Don’t judge what you say or write. And don’t stop there, keep putting one foot forward and trying on the cloak of vulnerability. You’ve got this!